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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The X-Box Funbox

Video game commercials sure have come a long way. Apparently the current trend is just to make absolutely bizarre things that will stick in people's heads. Like, the PSP commercials with the talking balls of lint or "nut you can play outside." This is Microsoft's contribution to the "What the fuck were the ad executives thinking?" genre.

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Friday, March 24, 2006

Subtitle Your Own Bollywood Movie!

This is one of the coolest things I've seen on the internet in months and months. You watch a short bollywood clip with 3 lines of dialogue and come up with the subtitles for it. They even update the movie clips every day with multiple clips! Hours of fun!

Here's mine. Check it out!

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Soda Finder

As a Canadian, I've always been facinated with food products that are exlusive to the States and never manage to travel up North. Products like the legendary American Mountain Dew, which actually has caffine in it. Unreal! Thanks to Soda Finder (or as we'd call it in Western Canada, "pop"), you can pick up strange drinks from South of the border. Drinks like Pibb and the unfortunately named Squirt. Checking out the Canadian section is quite illuminating. I feel sorry for our American cousins that can't receive A&W Root Beer in canned form. You guys are missing out.
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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Chuck Norris on Chuck Norris


The list is old hat, but this is new and it's just *weird*.
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Friday, March 10, 2006

Supermon-tage

So Warner brothers has created this "Year of Superman" campaign to generate buzz for the new movie coming out this summer. When you go to this page, it has a nice montage of all the different Superman incarnations available on DVD from them. You've got George Reeves, Kirk Alyn, Christopher Reeve, Tom Welling, Dean Cain, and the most recent animated Superman. No Superfriends or earlier Superman cartoons, but it's still pretty cool.

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Crispin Glover For Joker.com

The best thing about nerds is that they like characters in one nerdy movie to play characters in another nerdy movies. It's a trait that many of us find lovable. Horrah for fat, huggable nerds! Pop pop pop!

In true nerd herd fashion, they have crafted some impressive arguements as to why Crispin Glover should be in the movie.


sebastian
- CRISPIN GLOVER IS TEH JOKER, THERE IS NO OTHER SO GOOD FOR THE CHARACTER

THE Jonathan Granick
- w00t w00t! Uggghhhnnnn!

Jim _Tennessee
- Mr. Glover is well-suited (think Wild At Heart), but is a born American. This seems to matter to the new Bat-folks.

-DJ Olsen
As a gay man, I love Crispin Glover. Him with paint on his face makes me love him more

If I was an executive and heard articulate posts like that, I'd be on the phone RIGHT NOW! to sign up Glover for the role. No Glove, no love, people.
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Beastiality For Beginners: How To Fuck a Dolphin

On having sex with a male dolphin:

When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.

The dolphin also has a prehensile penis. That would mean that in human terms, it could pick up your socks or hold your beer, if you're so inclined.

But what's a howto sex guide without authorial annecdotes?

So, I started to back-paddle with my hands towards a small beached area, partially submerged in the water. A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.

I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.

Penthouse has nothing on this guy.

For those who love dolphins, but fear it's mighty snake like penis, there's always dolphin dildos.

Via Warren Ellis
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Head Exorcist: Harry Potter leads us to Satanism


Father Gabriele Amorth said: "You start off with Harry Potter, who comes across as a likeable wizard, but you end up with the Devil.

"There is no doubt that the signature of the Prince of Darkness is clearly within these books."

Skeptical? I was at first. To me, it seemed like something that you'd read on the Onion. But new photos suggest that the Potter books are already working their insidious work on our children. Please God, forgive them.
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Monday, March 06, 2006

Jon Stewart's Intro From the Oscars Is Up On Youtube


Is it just me, or does Jon Stewart look a tad uncomfortable at the beginning? It's a tad weird seeing his schtick work on the Oscar crowd.
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Sunday, March 05, 2006

In honour of the Oscars Tonight

Behold

Friday, March 03, 2006

HOLY SHIT! Brits create a live action version of the Simpson


I'm not sure if Sky is doing a live version of the Simpsons or if it's a commercial to promote the show, but it's a thing of pure awesome. It's amazing how spot on this is despite the small British idiosyncrasies.
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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Shock Absorber: A Scientific excuse to see naked boobs

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